living in the present

i've always been a list person. usually i have three lists going at once...a must do tomorrow list...a future home projects list...and a stuff for work list. but the lists never get smaller or i lose the lists or the lists gets too messy and i have to rewrite them three times...the lists are wiping me out! as such, i'm way too busy focusing on the future.

i've always been contemplative. usually i have three or more situations or past events that i'm busy examining...did i spend enough time with my daughters last week...i sure hope i didn't hurt my girlfriend's feelings at lunch yesterday...is steven feeling appreciated for his efforts...rehashing those moments over and over again from every possible angle...the thinking exhausts me sometimes! as such, i'm way too consumed with events that are already in the past.

so, i'm trying something new for me. i'm going to make a conscious effort to live in the present. to fully engage when i'm with my girls and others. to attend to my husband, family and friends the best way possible by being present...not far away in either the past or the future. Living in the NOW! I can do it.

(presently, i'm enjoying the collage alissa and i put together yesterday for her wall...isn't it beautiful? most of the pictures we took...at her favorite beach.)

David Graham Campbell

David Graham Campbell. He was my uncle...my father's younger brother...my grandma's second born. He was born on December 26, 1946. Christmas was always so hard for my grandmother. Smiling with his young wife in his wedding photos, he looked so happy and handsome. He will be forever young in my memories. On June 2, 1970 he lost his life in South Vietnam. David Graham Campbell. I remember you, Uncle David, and I thank you.

about change

"Loss is nothing else but change, and change is Nature's delight."~Marcus Aurelius
giving birth is the closest a woman can get to heaven on earth. the sensations are indescribable. the love takes your breath away. having the possibility exist...even a billion to one...offered me peace, hope, and youth. that possibility no longer exists...and I'm surprisingly melancholy. i know it will pass...change is inevitable...now I'm searching for the delight.

Resemblances

All my life I have been told I resemble my father. Obviously, we share genetic material so that makes sense. I have always been fascinated by the way in which our mannerisms, voice patterns and physical characteristics are influenced not only by the codes written in our DNA but also by the environments in which we are raised.

My husband gently reminds me that I have dad's tendency to give the impression I'm listening intently...but all the while I'm completely absorbed in my own thoughts. I'm also aware that both my father and I are not at all comfortable expressing our deepest, most intense feelings towards those most important to us face-to-face without extreme personal discomfort...but in writing and sometimes on the phone where there is a semblance of anonymitity or safety...we can let our vulnerabilities be more easily exposed.

He has enthusiastically shared with me his love of music, cinema and reading. And this too has shaped me into the person I am today. Some of my absolute favorite memories from my growing up years revolve around his amazing stereo system and seemingly infinite collection of albums.

I am the culmination of these experiences along with 1/2 of my biology...an absent-minded listener, a lover of obscure movies, British rock, and rhythm and blues, as well as a fair skinned, brown-haired girl. The resemblance is undeniable.

sunshine

“A ray of sunshine, a balmy breeze are a gift from God above, and He also gives us faithful friends. To warm our hearts with love.”~Anonymous

thank you. my sunshine.

voices in my head

i'm not crazy. on my way to an unexpected appointment this afternoon my cell phone rang. since i was focusing on driving i didn't check to see who was making the call. and, in all honesty, i was slightly distracted. just moments prior to the phone ringing i had contacted my oldest to inform her of my change in afternoon plans. when i heard the familiar voice on the other end, i was certain it was alissa calling back for some unknown reason...she probably needed a ride somewhere. until the voice on the other end excitedly exclaimed that she could see me from her bus window because we were driving alongside one another. realizing my error, i concentrated on the voice more carefully and i could barely tell it was kinsey...at least not the kinsey i'm so used to hearing. my kinsey has a tiny, delicate "little girl" voice on the phone. i absolutely adore her "little girl" voice. i thought she would have her "little girl" voice forever and ever. but it appears i was wrong. i'm just going to have to accept that the sweet childlike voice i associate with my baby is gone. i'm going to have to settle for a memory. somehow i will hold on tightly to those voices in my head.

Tidy vs. Messy

Swiffers cloths, Soft Scrub gel with bleach, and Glade's clean linen scented carpet sprinkles are all part of my daily habits. In fact, once I have checked in with the girls after my work day, I follow the same basic routine. Clear and scrub all counters...wash any leftover dishes from breakfast...straighten couch area and pillows...use lint roller if needed to eliminate pesky dog hair...check to see that Steven made the bed...adjust bedspread and throw pillows...tuck in sheets that are visible at bottom...use Swiffer to clean the wood floors of entire house...walk the dogs. It seldom deviates. I am a creature of habit.

My mother was unbelievably fastidious...we spent every Saturday morning of my youth cleaning side by side. My grandmother lovingly maintained the original tile, carpet, and wallpaper in her home for over thirty years...and it looked brand new! So, understandably, the torch of cleanliness was passed quite naturally to me.

Clearly this tidiness gene skipped a generation with the birth of my eldest child. It used to drive me nearly insane. Now I just close the door, shake my head, and even smile. The funny thing is...I kinda like her way better...and I wouldn't change the little slob's messiness (most of the time) for all the Swiffers in the world!

sisters

"Sisters annoy, interfere, criticize. Indulge in monumental sulks, in huffs, in snide remarks. Borrow. Break. Monopolize the bathroom. Are always underfoot. But if catastrophe should strike, sisters are there. Defending you against all comers." ~Pam Brown



When I was expecting Alissa I prayed for a healthy baby. And I was thrilled when she entered this world. I was so grateful to have a daughter to share my life. When I was expecting Kinsey I again prayed for a healthy baby. I was equally thrilled when she entered this world. I was even more grateful that they each had a sister to share their lives.

It's ALWAYS better at the beach!

"I hope you always have a shell in your pocket...and sand in your shoes."~Anonymous