Call me a pessimist!

“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”~G.B. Stern

For his eighteen bithday Alissa indulged a huge fantasy of Diego's and surprised him with a parachute jump. Although she didn't jump herself (she swears she will when she turns eighteen...right!) she captured some magnificent shots that I just had to post. I have so much more to share...Outward Bound, Easter, camping and prom to name just a few recent events from our lives recently...soon, very soon!

Perks

Sometimes Steven's job really drives me crazy...the last minute hospital consults, the toll it takes on his emotions, and his inability to ever call in sick...even when he can barely get his head off the pillow. Because he's dedicated, and hard working and extremely good at what he does, so he's in demand. I get that. But, selfishly it still makes me nuts sometimes. So, when he gets an opportunity to take us along for a conference at South Beach...we jump at the chance. And his job makes me a little less crazy...at least for the two days at the beach!

Looking Up

While walking along 5th Avenue this past Saturday with mom, we stopped for a sweet cup of chai (cold for me and hot for her) and just sat people-watching and chatting. While doing so, I looked up to see the most magnificent shadows dancing lightly above our heads and collected these shots which got me to thinking. How often do we look up? Not often enough, I'm afraid. I'm certainly one of the guilty parties who is always so focused and fixated on moving straight ahead that I miss what's often right in front of me...or in this case...just above me. If we hadn't slowed down our day and just surveyed the scenes around us...I would have missed it. And I'm so grateful that I didn't miss it.

Sandcastles

My favorite sandcastles are just like the one we stumbled upon at sunset last night...formed by allowing the globules of sand to filter through your fingertips creating an imperfect structure...flawed yet phenomenal. The tide was out and offered some unique shots that my camera, my mom and I just loved.

Times are a changin...

It seems like only a few blinks ago that my mischevious little monkey could be found tugging at my pant leg begging for my attention while I was going about the chores of my busy mom life...to play hide and seek or scooter around the block. Now, it is I that is tugging on her Hollister halter top yearning for her company as she runs out the door to meet her girlfriends...to discuss the cutest boy in the class or the most effective hair product to tame the frizz. And I miss her. For a time, I sulked. Then, I felt hurt. Finally, I took action. She's almost fourteen...and her friends are an important part of her now world...but I know she's going to need me forever. And I will be there for her, without judgements and with open arms. And I need to remind her of my committment to her by making moments for just us...and really relishing the time together.

My Heart will always be Home

Returning home always brings a huge smile to my face...whether it's after a much anticipated vacation, a busy day at work, or simply after treking the dogs around the lake...because I love my home. And walking inside the comforting walls we have built around our lives together, I always feel a calm here. I know that I belong here, will be accepted here and can always be myself here...and he's one huge part of the reason I feel such acceptance. Although there are times when his rough and gruff exterior have scared away many a teenaged boy...I know the marshmallow man that lives just barely beneath the bristle...evidenced by the gift that was awaiting me following a quick little jaunt to Orlando. He loves me. And because of that love, I know how it feels to truly be home.

Stretching to the Sun

Steven surprised me with these gorgeous tulips yesterday. And today when I woke up there were wide open with their arms outstretched...searching for the sun. Like me.

Too Long

Has it really been almost two full months since I last posted? I wish I could say I've been occupied with some higher purpose. But, I simply haven't felt like it. And to be perfectly honest I haven't felt like much of anything. I've been occupied with the business of surviving. Getting through the day so that the next one might appear a bit brighter. I'm hoping it's simply the doldrums of winter that have grabbed hold of me and the sickness I've suffered recently has participating in the difficulty of dragging myself out of this quagmire. But, I'm slowly reconnecting, lifting the veil that has covered me and smiling more often. The sunset always helps.

letting go...before holding on

i have always been a person who ruminates. okay, obsesses. and this tendency usually helps my brain to unlock whatever lesson my heart is supposed to learn. for example, if there is a conversation that i am a part of where maybe i've said something that i didn't quite mean or the vibe i've helped to create is off-kilter, i can torture myself for hours afterwords...wishing i could somehow reverse the hands of time...for a redo. but that's not the way it goes. so,im guessing the point is that the lessons i learn from those missteps are usually potent and powerful. and the next time i work harder trying to choose my words more carefully, and to put the feelings of others in the forefront of my mind...even though i don't always succeed fully.

and, in turn, i hope and even assume that others are of the same mindset. because i trust that people are inherently good. but, even knowing that people are mostly good and trying their best for the most part, there are moments in which hurts happen regardless. like when i received an email that contained a private conversation i am quite certain i was never supposed to read (boy, forwards can be extemely dangerous) made its way into my mailbox...along with the mailboxes of a multitude of others. and while i keep trying to wash the words from my brain as easily as i was able to delete them from my email, i simply don't seem capable of doing so. so, i will continue to wait patiently for the lesson He plans to reveal to me...because i know it's in there somewhere...mixed in with misunderstanding, confusion and anger...and i'm trying my hardest to just let it go...before i hold on long enough that it becomes a part of me. i'm getting there.