Sunday, August 23, 2009

ready to write

feeling emotional this morning. but, good emotional. a catharsis of sorts. so, i thought i would write about it. assign words to my feelings. so, i poured a fresh cup of chai, lit my candles, settled into the cushion of my bar stool and just let it flow. right now i'm making a pinky promise with myself that i won't go back and edit...because this is what i intended when first starting this live unfettered. so, i'm breaking the damn chains. and this is what i came up with.

a few months ago she stripped away my defenses. maybe i was ready. maybe i recognized it was from the heart. maybe it was God intervening because He knew it was time. doesn't matter. i've known her since she was seventeen and always felt like that older sister. and like sisters sometimes do, there were disagreements and hurts and jealousies between us. but i let those fester and linger and tear me up until i shut down and turned off the feelings. what's worse i gave myself permission to turn my hurt into meanness and didn't recognize who i allowed myself to be. and that felt horrible. and for that i am not proud. taking responsibility is the only option...along with asking for forgiveness...and thankfully both He and she granted it. and once those walls were removed i quickly discovered those feelings of concern and love never went away at all...i just suffocated them and in turn strangled my own ability to give, forgive and just be. so i've learned and i've grown and i'm trying. and while it may take months, or even years, to get to that place where we once were, it's okay. i know that i want what's best for her and she wants what's best for me. and for now, that's enough.

Saturday, August 15, 2009


I appreciate the obvious. Sure, I'm also a huge fan of subtle humor, complex characters in novels and layered relationships...but, seriously, doesn't the obvious just make you laugh hard sometimes?

“The obvious is that which is never seen until someone expresses it simply.” ~Kahlil Gibran

"It requires a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious.” ~Alfred North Whitehead

"The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.” ~Arthur Koestler

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I can die happy.

When the ultrasound was read, I can distinctly remember thinking to, they'll be sisters. My mom has three sisters and I remember her woeful tales of sisterhood...the fights over favorite sweaters, cuckoo clocks silenced during battles and tattling at every turn. So, I was ready for the rivalary and jealousy and competition. But what I wasn't prepared for...the unbreakable bond and compassion for each other and limitless loyalty...has brought me to the brink of tears more times than I can count and I find myself thanking God daily for the utter beauty that is sisters.

Monday, August 10, 2009

i know what i like

i'm not sure why...but i prefer taking photos of stuff. most people i know seek to take the perfect picture of the favorite people in their lives. especially little people. now while i enjoy and definitely appreciate that particular photographic endeavor, i am not at all pulled in that direction myself. instead, i am mesmerized by landscapes and storefronts and walkways and unique objects that surprise me as i locate them on the other end of my lens. and, more specifically, i savor and treasure those places and objects that somehow possess an intangible quality which allows my imagination to run those places and items seem to look as if they have a secret story to share. again, i don't claim to be a photographer by any stretch, but i do know what i like. here are a few personal favorites i captured this summer. there may not people in any of them but i believe each picture still has a personality all its own.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Rails to Trails

For five long years I have been begging. "Please can we, as a family, ride the railway trail this year?" And each year I'm met with, I let it go and wait for the next summer to bring up my request again. But this year something quite miraculous happened. When I posed my annual question, everyone agreed...and surprisingly, I didn't have to use threats...or even bribery. I was stunned and thrilled! So, after I retrieved my jaw from the cottage floor, we headed into town and geared up. Steven shared with me that our rental agreement allotted us four full hours of gorgeous lakeside cycling. I was ready. I couldn't wait to watch my girls enraptured faces as they pedalled the afternoon away. It started out in the most fantastic way. Smiles were visible all around, the wind was gently blowing our hair from our faces and the 68 degree temperatures were unbelievably perfect.

Our first rest stop (7 minutes in) took us down a weathered set of stairs to the shoreline where the views of Little Traverse Bay were ideal. The girls were joking with one another, Alissa was giggling about the bird poo that landed on her handle bars...all was right with my bicycle world.

But, as the saying goes...all good things must end. And it sure did about thirty minutes later when the girls realized our tour would take us approximately three to four hours, twenty miles, into the wind, and they cracked. Undeterred...I enjoyed myself immensely. I'll let the pictures tell the rest of the story.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Hollie Hobbie

I must admit I have always longed to be a pioneer girl. I can still so easily picture myself with cute little braids spilling out of my calico bonnet while collecting fresh eggs from the hen house...if I just close my eyes tightly enough. Maybe this fascination started after devouring Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder and each of her subsequent books. Certainly, my obsession was reconfirmed when Little House on the Prairie was televised during my girlhood. Especially when after close examination I discovered numerous similarities between myself and the t.v. Laura...we had the same mousy brown hair, sweet little freckles dotting our noses, and even a slight overbite...I was thoroughly convinced I would fit right in with the Ingall's clan. Add to my already overworked imagination the release of Hollie Hobbie, and I was totally hooked. I desperately wished my parents had named me Hollie...with an ie. So, upon discovering this little treasure at an antique show while visiting my home state, all of these memories flooded my brain...and I'm still kicking myself for not bringing her home with me!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Shots of a Michigan Vacation

Just a few shots of my favorite kiddos...too tired to post much more tonight. Suffice it to say...our Michigan visit was refreshing, relaxing and just plain wonderful. Thankfully, it always is.


“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”~Winston Churchill

With their outrageously generous gift, Aunt Michele and Uncle Gil completely overwhelmed me beyond comprehension...and made one sixteen year old girl's world complete. And if that's not enough, Uncle Gil chided me for not contacting him more often with my fundraising requests! As I thanked them both again and again knowing that words couldn't truly encompass what I was trying to convey, they each stopped me mid-sentence and simply said (each independent of one another), "We're just so fortunate that we have it to give." Wow. There is a special place in my heart for these two...not for the stuff they give, but for the truly selfless and generous example they set.