letting go...before holding on

i have always been a person who ruminates. okay, obsesses. and this tendency usually helps my brain to unlock whatever lesson my heart is supposed to learn. for example, if there is a conversation that i am a part of where maybe i've said something that i didn't quite mean or the vibe i've helped to create is off-kilter, i can torture myself for hours afterwords...wishing i could somehow reverse the hands of time...for a redo. but that's not the way it goes. so,im guessing the point is that the lessons i learn from those missteps are usually potent and powerful. and the next time i work harder trying to choose my words more carefully, and to put the feelings of others in the forefront of my mind...even though i don't always succeed fully.

and, in turn, i hope and even assume that others are of the same mindset. because i trust that people are inherently good. but, even knowing that people are mostly good and trying their best for the most part, there are moments in which hurts happen regardless. like when i received an email that contained a private conversation i am quite certain i was never supposed to read (boy, forwards can be extemely dangerous) made its way into my mailbox...along with the mailboxes of a multitude of others. and while i keep trying to wash the words from my brain as easily as i was able to delete them from my email, i simply don't seem capable of doing so. so, i will continue to wait patiently for the lesson He plans to reveal to me...because i know it's in there somewhere...mixed in with misunderstanding, confusion and anger...and i'm trying my hardest to just let it go...before i hold on long enough that it becomes a part of me. i'm getting there.

Snow Days

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

~Robert Frost

Mailbox Memories

Without a doubt one of my all time favorite parts of the Christmas season is the catching up I get to do with friends from long ago, family far away and the people of my present...all via Christmas cards. Although I must admit I'm not one of those gals who savors the process of organizing the materials necessary for sending out my own cards and I dread the wretched ache I feel in my palm after handwriting each address...it's more than worth the effort when those envelopes begin to arrive.

Not only do I get the pure pleasure of witnessing the changes that a year has made and sharing in the blessings of the senders lives...but I have the sheer, guilty pleasure of reconnecting to those magical memories that each card evokes in me. Scrumptious.

Holiday Highlights

It's shocking that it is already the fourth of January and I've neglected posting for so very long. I've sincerely missed sharing my personal reflections no matter how momentous or minuscule...the process of simply sitting at my keyboard and pouring it all out. I resolve to attend to my little blog a wee bit more in 2010...to nurture it while reveling in it's power over both my heart and soul. But, before my orderly little brain can move on to the new...I need to tidy up 2009 first by sharing a few highlights.