i have always been a person who ruminates. okay, obsesses. and this tendency usually helps my brain to unlock whatever lesson my heart is supposed to learn. for example, if there is a conversation that i am a part of where maybe i've said something that i didn't quite mean or the vibe i've helped to create is off-kilter, i can torture myself for hours afterwords...wishing i could somehow reverse the hands of time...for a redo. but that's not the way it goes. so,im guessing the point is that the lessons i learn from those missteps are usually potent and powerful. and the next time i work harder trying to choose my words more carefully, and to put the feelings of others in the forefront of my mind...even though i don't always succeed fully.
and, in turn, i hope and even assume that others are of the same mindset. because i trust that people are inherently good. but, even knowing that people are mostly good and trying their best for the most part, there are moments in which hurts happen regardless. like when i received an email that contained a private conversation i am quite certain i was never supposed to read (boy, forwards can be extemely dangerous) made its way into my mailbox...along with the mailboxes of a multitude of others. and while i keep trying to wash the words from my brain as easily as i was able to delete them from my email, i simply don't seem capable of doing so. so, i will continue to wait patiently for the lesson He plans to reveal to me...because i know it's in there somewhere...mixed in with misunderstanding, confusion and anger...and i'm trying my hardest to just let it go...before i hold on long enough that it becomes a part of me. i'm getting there.
