Monday, November 15, 2010

Always Trying

I wish he knew just how much. I'm not sure that he has a clue. I do know that I often hang up feeling guilty, sad and confused. I choose every word carefully...too carefully sometimes since I never really share my true thoughts...because it's all too clear that they will fall on deaf ears and the eggshells are too fragile. So, I keep trying. But it's never quite right. And holiday planning seems to make the divide even wider and more obvious.

And somehow I'm made to feel it's because of my shortcomings...which I most definitely have. But, I've extended myself...time and time again...although it's never just right or even easy. I guess we all know deep down that I'm not a part of that creation...and assuming that I am isn't completely fair. So again, I try...but it's plain as day that a place isn't there for me and never really has been as I put on my best guest manners each and every time. Yet, I'm not quite ready to give up trying...and that counts for something.

“For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business.” ~T.S. Eliot