i hate being invited to parties...birthday parties, weddings, baby showers...it doesn't matter. although i always love that i was included on the guest list and i usually adore the people extending the invitation. i am initially excited...even anticipatory. but then it sinks in. the feeling of doom takes over. i become completely consumed with dread as the date gets closer. i usually don't r.s.v.p. as a result. if i r.s.v.p. then i'm committed. there's no backing out. it would be rude to back out at the last minute when you're expected. i don't want to be this way. i even know that these are irrational fears. but the fears can be so strong that i'd rather stay secluded in my safe, comfortable little bubble where i can't be judged for accidentally saying something stupid or exposing my huge pit stains. my avoidance can be interpreted as aloofness or a lack of interest...which is the furthest thing from the truth. i will continue to force myself to face my fears with the help of my own live-in psychologist who has no hesitation when shoving me out the door kicking, screaming and sometimes crying...because he wants what's best for me. (you have no idea how many times i have come down with a mysterious headache minutes before leaving the house...only to be given two tylenol and a kick in the ass by my husband...love ya stevie...even when i pretend i don't!)
