letting go...before holding on

i have always been a person who ruminates. okay, obsesses. and this tendency usually helps my brain to unlock whatever lesson my heart is supposed to learn. for example, if there is a conversation that i am a part of where maybe i've said something that i didn't quite mean or the vibe i've helped to create is off-kilter, i can torture myself for hours afterwords...wishing i could somehow reverse the hands of time...for a redo. but that's not the way it goes. so,im guessing the point is that the lessons i learn from those missteps are usually potent and powerful. and the next time i work harder trying to choose my words more carefully, and to put the feelings of others in the forefront of my mind...even though i don't always succeed fully.

and, in turn, i hope and even assume that others are of the same mindset. because i trust that people are inherently good. but, even knowing that people are mostly good and trying their best for the most part, there are moments in which hurts happen regardless. like when i received an email that contained a private conversation i am quite certain i was never supposed to read (boy, forwards can be extemely dangerous) made its way into my mailbox...along with the mailboxes of a multitude of others. and while i keep trying to wash the words from my brain as easily as i was able to delete them from my email, i simply don't seem capable of doing so. so, i will continue to wait patiently for the lesson He plans to reveal to me...because i know it's in there somewhere...mixed in with misunderstanding, confusion and anger...and i'm trying my hardest to just let it go...before i hold on long enough that it becomes a part of me. i'm getting there.

Snow Days

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

~Robert Frost

Mailbox Memories

Without a doubt one of my all time favorite parts of the Christmas season is the catching up I get to do with friends from long ago, family far away and the people of my present...all via Christmas cards. Although I must admit I'm not one of those gals who savors the process of organizing the materials necessary for sending out my own cards and I dread the wretched ache I feel in my palm after handwriting each address...it's more than worth the effort when those envelopes begin to arrive.

Not only do I get the pure pleasure of witnessing the changes that a year has made and sharing in the blessings of the senders lives...but I have the sheer, guilty pleasure of reconnecting to those magical memories that each card evokes in me. Scrumptious.

Holiday Highlights

It's shocking that it is already the fourth of January and I've neglected posting for so very long. I've sincerely missed sharing my personal reflections no matter how momentous or minuscule...the process of simply sitting at my keyboard and pouring it all out. I resolve to attend to my little blog a wee bit more in 2010...to nurture it while reveling in it's power over both my heart and soul. But, before my orderly little brain can move on to the new...I need to tidy up 2009 first by sharing a few highlights.

Because every kid deserves a cheering section.

When you are holding your new baby girl in your arms for that very first time, something indescribably magnificent occurs and your heart simply melts into a puddle inside your chest. You cannot even believe you are capable of a love so big. And immediately it becomes impossible to separate your own beating heart from that of your child's...her wishes, dreams and experiences somehow become your own...and you pray that her life's purposes are fulfilled.


So, when the boy who is important to her, in ways that I can never be, needs a few fans in the stands, I will be there. He's a part of her life, so he's a part of mine as well. Since his own family is unable to to watch him start each game while fulfilling his captain role, and my sweet, sweet girl recognizes how much it means to him to have someone in the stands rooting just for him...I will be there. With camera in hand, we sit side by side admiring his athletic abilities and giggle at the silly dances and faces...because every kid deserves a cheering section.

A Sunset Kinda Girl

Sunsets must be one of God's favorite teaching tools...


Teaching me about brevity... because i love the way in which the sunset reminds me to grasp hold and be present for each moment before it disappears.


And the importance of solitude...how is it possible that while standing amidst huge throngs of people i can feel so completely still and in His presence while staring out?


The necessity of confusion...while the crazy collection of mixed-up colors can quickly confound my mind, I notice that each individual strand possesses a unique brilliance...if i just look closely enough.



Boy, is He good.

PEOPLE SUCK...some of the time

Steven says it all the time. It might sound jaded and harsh and negative...but he may have a point...especially since his job consists of listening to all of the stupid decisions, hurtful acts and misguided efforts humans impose upon one another...like people who cheat...repeatedly...and learn nothing from their selfish choices, until they are faced with divorce and the fear of losing it all...or when parents screw up their children by hurting them over and over again...both with and without intent, leaving them lonely and filled with despair because their own flesh and blood has grown up and moved on without ever looking back.

And while our choices certainly do affect not only ourselves, but those that we profess to love, I pray that the relationships I am building with my husband and girls are going to last...because they call me out when I make mistakes and forgive me for my faults...not simply because we share genetics. And while we may all suck a whole heck of a lot from time to time, I'm convinced that if we recognize that suckiness for what it is...the flaw of being human...and strive to reduce our tendency towards it whenever possible with the help of true friends, family and faith...we can keep the suck factor to a minimum!

Giving Thanks

Family will be arriving in just minutes and I can't wait because the fourth Thursday in November is one of my all time favorite days of the year. It's not the huge feast planned and prepared, the Detroit Lions playing loudly on the television screen or even the celebrated Macy's Day parade...but it's the opportunity to stop and truly reflect on all that I am blessed enough to have as part of my humble little life...healthy and happy children, a husband who loves me in spite of myself, and those special friends and family members that can always make me smile. I am very, very thankful.


Oh, and Alissa is very thankful that Tim Tebow stayed at our hotel last weekend!

Young Life... and a room full of teenagers!

Putting last night's emotions into words is so difficult for me for fear of sounding sappy or silly. And as you can see for yourself Young Life knows how to throw a party...the theme was perfect, the decorations were incredible and the festivities overall were quite amazing.

But, what I didn't expect was to be so humbly and completely moved by the honest and raw expressions of love and devotion...to God...by teenagers. The same teenagers that are surrounded daily by incredible pressures and situations...which are all outside of their control. They have learned how to finesse their way through these sometimes impossible circumstances...making decisions with a "Young Life" mindset. And, thus, these kids are making the conscious choice to live their lives differently than the majority...following their hearts.

So, after listening and witnessing firsthand the impact He has had on their young lives as teen after teen shared his or her personal story (and mind you they each exposed themselves in front of both their peers and an entire ballroom full of parents) brought tears to my eyes more times than I could begin to count.

It was an awesome Young Life night.