I was raised by a former atheist and agnostic in an extremely Catholic small town. If felt like everyone went to church...but me. It felt like everyone had a belief system...but me. Shortly after my parents divorced, my mother became very involved in a local church, got baptized for the very first time that I'm aware of, and generally changed her life completely. This all occurred my senior year of high school.
While I was away at college mom felt the "calling" to leave the safety of our small town for full-time missionary work. That was over twenty years ago. Since that time she has lived in three different states and traveled to countries on practically every continent on earth. Honestly, I can't even count the amount of time she has been out of country...all totalled it's been several years. This leads to my quandary.
I am intensely proud of her dedication and commitment. I know she is at peace and feels that she is satisfying the purpose of her life. And from time to time, I can't help but feeling sad. Sad that she's not here when I need and want her most. Sometimes it feels like everyone gets a piece of her but me. I don't want to be sad anymore. I want to find my own peace.
Now because of my jealousy and disappointment I have built so many walls around my heart that it's difficult to smash them down. But I really want to...I really do. I need her. I love her. I miss her.
"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."-Mother Teresa
